My Name Fits me Perfectly 'ALWAYZ BLU'

In my Bipolar Support Group we have a journal section and I copied todays entry for here, here it goes:

Today,
I feel So BLUE I can't even begin to describe whats going on in my head, I feel like I'm never going to be good enough.
I feel like Total Shit, like the world is on my shouldeers and frankly it is..
The main Trigger for my saddness is Money Problems...its the one reason my marriage went down the Drain!
Lets see I only have a few hundred dollars and i have to pay my rent, lights, phone and NOW I need a new Washing Machine!! and Pretty soon my car is going to give out too and what will i do then?
I'm So STRESSED I can't even SEE Straight, no seriously i can't see good, i have a stress headache which makes my vision fuzzy..so i can't see straight!
Everyone here seems to CARE about me and I'm not use to that. I feel like if i give in to fate and die that I would disappoint everyone in my family and in group and that just makes me more depressed its like a never ending Cycle that just continues and continues forever and ever.
and this guy started talking to me online from his cell phone and then i mention i have kids and then he stops sending me messages...
WHY DOES HAVING KIDS make me so unattractive! I swear sometimes i feel like giving up my kids to their father. but then i would still be lonely lonely for them. Right now i'm lonely for male companionship.
But it seems in order to have Male Companionship I would basically have to not have my kids which is impossible b/c there is no turning back from them and I LOVE MY KIDS MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!!
and that makes me so depressed i hate being in a no-win situation either way i'm screwed!
Thats why i feel like going on "vacation from reality and this damn confusing world"...
Okay now i've takin up way to much time here..
so i'm gone for now...
i'll check in tomorrow and let you know how i feel.